My Sims life is getting complicated. It's hard to decide which life I want to live vicariously through. One Sim is artistic, his wife is also artistic. They don't have kids because they want to spend time getting to know each other better. She's a photographer, he's an interior designer. My other Sim and his wife have 7 kids and they aspire to have grand children and see their kids grow up to be happy. She is a stay-at-home mom and he is a retired chef. Yet another Sim and his wife are adventurers. They go on trips and she wants to own her own resort. I've created at least 10 different lives with 10 different women. It gets tricky because I don't know which Sim man I want to be and with which Sim wife I want to be with. Real life is a thousand times more tricky... I have a tendency to over-think things. My recent over-thinking session dealt with my future wife. I came to 2 polarized opposite conclusions. 1: My future wife doesn't exist and 2:God has control, she is out there, and I just lack faith. 1. My future wife doesn't exist: If I were to place an ad for my wife, it would read something like this: WANTED: The Perfect Woman for a Hopelessly Imperfect Man. Single (makes things less complicated) Non-smoker, Non-drinker, Non-Judgmental. Preferably not a pet person, but if she needs a pet, must be a cat person. Likes: "What's up, Doc?" starring Barbra Streisand in, arguably one of her best roles, "Apple Blossom Time" sung by either the Andrews Sisters or Emmy Rossum, Sushi (love of wasabi is a definite bonus), and anything spontaneous(if you have to ask for an idea of what's spontaneous, then you need not apply). Must be patient with children, because I have a hard time with that. Must be frugal, but not annoying about it. Patient with me and my inability to think and/or act like a responsible adult. Needs to walk into a room and take my breath away, even in her pajamas. Must be in love with God and Jesus and be able to inspire me to have a better relationship with said Deity. I need someone to build my faith: faith in God, in humanity, in myself. Make me laugh harder than I laugh when I'm by myself. Be as funny as Melissa McCarthy, as beautiful as Dianna Agron, as quirky as Zooey Deschanel, as kind as Mother Teresa, as refined as Joanna Lumley, and as kick-butt as Rosario Dawson. Cry with me, pick me up, make me think, leave me in awe, and generally just be perfect. Final thing: I'm terribly imperfect and probably have more flaws than favorable characteristics, but I'm hoping you'll allow me to be selfish and marry me even though I don't deserve you...like, at all. So...Thus my conclusion that my future wife doesn't exist. She's too many things. My mom says I need to make sure I'm not too picky, but...that just means that I have to take off of my list the things that aren't important. The trouble is, to me, everything is important. So where do I compromise? I REALLY don't want a dog. I REALLY want to be able to sing 'I'm looking over a four-leaf clover' with you. I need you to be patient. I don't want someone who doesn't love God as much as I do, if not more. I won't notice you if you don't make me laugh. I'm terribly shy and I need you to be aggressive, but if I'm not interested, I need you to not cry, because I'm sensitive and if you cry, I'm likely to cry and then end up marrying you just to not hurt your feelings. I'm pretty sure I would give up my own happiness to make you not cry. I also don't think I could handle your sadness if I start staring at a guy while we are out on a date. If I can't completely devote my time and love to you, If I can't lose myself in your beauty, I don't want to be with you and that's not because I'm being mean, it's because I don't ever want to be the cause of sadness for you. That would destroy me. It's easier for me to be alone. I can hurt myself. I can be brutally honest and hurtful to myself because I know I can handle it. I can look in the mirror and say "wow, not looking your greatest today. You look tired, and chubby, and I'm pretty sure that zit is trying to take sole control of your face" and it's truth. Say that to anyone else and it's just rude. I don't know...I'm over-thinking it. 2: God has control, she is out there, and I just lack the faith. In over-thinking and in over-estimating my fears of eternal bachelor-ism, I severely UNDER-estimate the power of God and His complete and very personal knowledge of me and of His timing. The truth is, I lack faith. I can't look to the future with an 'eye of faith' and with a confidence that she is out there and that it's just not time for me, or her, yet. I don't have the confidence to know that she is a real person and that she is blogging right now. She's trying on a pair of saddle-shoes and a cloche hat. She's watching, "Sleepless in Seattle" and quoting it word for word; all the while eating nachos and a cheese danish. She's reading her bible and asking, "how can I be a light to the world, like Christ is?" She's out there. It's hard to believe; it's hard to have that faith. In the movie, 'Practical Magic' Sandra Bullock's character attempts to create a man so perfect that he can't possibly exist and, therefore, she can never get hurt. The problem is, He DOES exist. My problem is that I have created a similar list and I'm almost completely convinced that she doesn't exist. However,to say that I will never find the one woman who is perfect for me is to say that God doesn't have a plan for me. That God WANTS me to be single and alone for the rest of my life. I thought that would make me happy to be single. It doesn't. I need a companion and to say that that companion doesn't exist is to say that God wants me to be unhappy. He doesn't want me to be unhappy. He wants me to find that one absolutely weird, stunningly beautiful, hilariously unusual, and carefully broken but continually optimistic woman who will change my life forever. She may not exist, but if she's out there..... Girl, I wait for you. I pray for you: not that I will find you, but I pray specifically for you. I pray for your happiness and that God will guide you in your life as He is in mine. I'm here for you. You make me smile even though I haven't met you yet. We have extensive conversations and I come to you with my fears and my disappointments (you can't ever answer me, but don't worry, God is comforting me and teaching me until you can assist Him) I miss you, I want you, and I love you.