I've taken to dating myself. Explanation? Well. Here's how it goes. Since I decided to move on and move up in my life and get into a better place spiritually, I've made some big changes. Many won't understand the reasons why and I can't explain them to anyone because I don't know anyone like me. I will say that I believe certain things. These beliefs make it useless for me to pursue a relationship with a guy. In addition, I am not interested in girls. Where does this leave me? Well, many in this situation would say "hopelessly alone" and they would be half right. I am alone. This does not mean I am lonely. I still have my parents, my sisters, my brother, my friends, my nieces and nephews, aunts and uncles, co-workers. The amount of people I DO have in my life is actually rather overwhelming sometimes to think about. I guess other people would probably think about "who am I going to hold when I'm sad?" or "I haven't kissed anyone in six months." I suppose that those are valid points, but I'm lucky I guess in that I am not one for kissing or cuddling. I like a good back scratch, but I have friends and family for that (Am I dropping hints...maybe. Probably. Yes, yes I would love a back scratch please.) I guess that's one blessing I can gain from the fact that I've resigned myself to being single for...well...ever. The blessing being that I don't particularly need kisses, sex, or cuddles but opt for hugs and back scratches (seriously, if anyone wants to volunteer.) And I'm not hopeless. I hope for a future filled with family activities. I hope for a future filled with dinner parties, road trips, and sleep overs. I hope for a relationship with my family, friends, and God that I can be proud of and enjoy. This doesn't mean that I still get the sympathetic look and that 'comforting' phrase "you will find someone!" When did this become a need? Have we always been a people who need a girlfriend, husband, lover, or an innumerable amount of cats for us to be complete? Is there some sort of bug in my system or a defect in my physical make-up that causes me to be content as a single man? Did the cave man tell his buddy upon a break-up "Dude, she no good for you. Me find you better lady. She be prettier." I just don't understand when it became a social step backwards to be single. I mean, if you think about it, we've been told since our beginnings that we are destined to be a 'you and me' and not 'I.' We are born at the same time as one of our parent's friend's kid and they say to each other "ooooh, I think they are going to marry each other some day!" How well did that work out for you? We throw sand at the girl at the park and the girl hears "oh, it's just cuz he likes you." No, I'm pretty sure I threw sand at her, cuz the trollop took my dump-truck. It doesn't mean we are destined to be together. It's sad that we get sad when someone we know is single. Is it offense if I tell my heartbroken friend "well, I'm sorry he broke up with you, but at least you can be alone now." She probably wouldn't be too happy about that...but I don't know why she wouldn't be. Why wouldn't she be happy at the prospect of being with the one person that she truly understands. The one person who truly will love her for all of her faults and all of her amazing talents. The one person that can appreciate her: herself. I was sitting with my stuffed turtle, Checkers, on my bed watching "the kid" (No, not the one with Bruce Willis like my mom thought.) and I said to Checkers (don't make fun, at least he listens to me) "Checkers, I'm pretty sure no one else out there is doing this right now." I think that a lot. I don't know anyone who's idea of a fantastic and fulfilling Friday night is making a 7-11 run for donuts and nachos and then coming home and watching a Bette Davis movie. (Bytheway 'Dark Victory'....good movie, rent it if you get a chance.) I don't think I know anyone who sings "Don't sit Under the Apple Tree" or "Mambo Italiano" loudly in their car. I have a crush on Tommy Kirk and Tony Dow (When they were younger, obviously). Go ahead, Google them. I got excited when I found an Alice in Wonderland coloring book. I talk to my stuffed turtle. I think I've made my point. I'm unusual. But you know what? I wouldn't have me any other way. If you can find me a girl who misses the Meg Ryan from "Sleepless in Seattle" and "You've got mail", who thinks that Sandra Bullock's best role was in "While you were Sleeping", who has a family or who wants a family like Toula Portokalos in "My Big Fat Greek Wedding", who thinks that Judy Garland's version of 'Puttin on the Ritz' is the best version out there, and who becomes emotional when they reach the awful realization that one day Julie Andrews, Barbra Streisand, and Debbie Reynolds will die....if you can find that girl, let me know. She'll be about 1/100th of the way there to reaching my level of quirkiness, strangeness, misunderstood...ness(?) and wonderfulness. Many out there will still not understand. They still won't get my message. My message is simple...and cheesy, but I love simplicity and I love cheese so I will state my message. Love yourself. Find that relationship with yourself that you would love to have with another person. Go on a date with yourself. YOU pick the restaurant, YOU pick the movie, and YOU pick what you wear (I choose a sweater and slacks because I live by the philosophy that a comfy pair of nice slacks is heaven.) Decide what you like and, more importantly who you are. Are you an artist? Are you political? Are you a couch potato? Does 'Finding Nemo' make you cry? Do you hate spicy food? Are you an activist? Do you like the roll of toilet paper over or under? These are the important things you should know about yourself. I'm not political. I hate action movies. I prefer the t.p. over, but I'm okay with it under. 'Finding Nemo' Doesn't make me cry, but 'Mr. Holland's Opus' gets me every time. (When he sings to his son, Cole...yea...I sniffle...a lot) I'm funny, creative, lazy, complicated, simple, kind-hearted, shy, and single. And I'm okay with that. With ALL of that.